Meet Mrs. Left & Mr. Right

Good morning, all!

Today I will dedicate my writing to a part of my body that I love almost as much as I hate (Strong word, I know.)

Since you are a smart person, you have probably already figured out what I am going to talk about…

BOOBS! Or, more specifically: MY boobs!!

I want to begin by saying that I really do love my boobs. The strong word I used in the first paragraph is more connected to certain situations surrounding the big ol’ titties, if you know what I am saying. 😉

Being a woman, I have gone through every possible opinion about my boobies. They have been too small, too big, nipples too big, nipples too small, too perky, too saggy, too uneven, etc., etc., etc.

I think this is a pretty natural thing, and I have come to terms with the fact that I will probably never be 100% satisfied with how they look and feel. There have even been times when a date with a surgeon has felt very close.

I haven’t been able to decide in what order I should tell you my thoughts about them. My first idea was to talk about all the pros first and then the cons. Then I decided to reverse the order. Then I realized that wouldn’t work either.

So, in good old Angelina fashion, I am simply going to BURP IT ALL OUT in whatever order it comes flying out of my mind.

Therefore, with a drum roll, I present…

MRS. LEFT & MR. RIGHT!!!

A couple who have been my traveling companions since my early teens. They share certain similarities in appearance, but they behave VERY differently when it comes to their social lives.

Mrs. Left is a sensitive person. She is a big fan of the soft, the gentle and the smooth.

Mr. Right is the complete opposite. He loves grabbing and pinching and can get a little annoyed if things are moving too slowly.

I love them both in their own perky little ways, but I also dislike their differences—especially when it comes to putting on a bra. Mr. Right always fits in. With the smoothness of a panther, he rests perfectly in whatever cup I throw at him.

Mrs. Left always behaves as though things could be better. Never 100% satisfied. Constantly requesting adjustments throughout the day.

Sometimes to the point where my colleagues at work must think I have some kind of bra obsession!

Mr. Right has a BIG downside, though. To be completely honest, I think he is involved in a conspiracy with Hubby to drive me nuts. It is almost as if Mr. Right has a laser sight permanently locked onto my husband’s brain, activating some kind of primitive signal:

MUST. TOUCH. BOOBS. NOW.

Some days I can’t even get a normal hug without feeling a hand quickly sneaking under my sweater to go on a little excursion. Don’t get me wrong here.

I LOVE touching and feeling, and I am certainly not against a little boob play. It can get me super excited.

BUT NOT ALL THE TIME!!!

Some days I am almost scared to hug Hubby in public because Mr. Right’s laser might be extra powerful and transform him into a boob-craving caveman who knows only three words:

“GROOK! GRAAAAB! TITS!”
(Believe me, it has happened. Many times.)

But even though it can annoy me like crazy—and sometimes drive me to the point where I want to hit him over the head with the nearest object I can find—it is difficult to stay annoyed with him for very long.

And that brings me to another side of my relationship with my boobies: Other people’s eyes. It is nice—and actually rather exciting—when I realize that someone is checking out my boobs.

I need to clarify something here: Staring is NOT sexy.

But when I meet someone in everyday life and catch that quick little glimpse down my cleavage that so many men seem to have mastered… That can make me smile inside. And on those occasions, Mr. Right sometimes reminds me that he noticed too by becoming just a little tingly. 😉

Again:

I am talking about the quick glimpse that wasn’t hidden quite quickly enough.

Not staring. Staring creates exactly the opposite feeling.

The purpose of this post was to write a SHORT piece about my tits. But the more I write, the more I realize that apparently… I HAVE A LOT TO SAY ABOUT BOOBS. And being the person I am—always wandering away from the subject—it is clearly going to take some time. So let’s treat this post as the beginning of a series.

Conclusion

You have now had a brief introduction to Mrs. Left and Mr. Right, learned a little about how I see them, discovered some very basic do’s and don’ts…

AND, most importantly, learned that even a Hubby who is loved more than anything can transform into a grunting caveman in less than a second and make his wife briefly consider the aerodynamic properties of a nearby frying pan.

So until next time, remember… GLIMPSE, DON’T STARE. 😉